How do you handle a difficult coworker?
⚡ In a Hurry? Quick Answer
Focus on empathy and direct, private conversation. Show you approached them respectfully, tried to understand their perspective, focused on specific behaviors rather than attacking their personality, and resolved it professionally without gossip.
💡 The Recruiter's Mind
They're evaluating: Can you handle interpersonal conflict professionally? Do you gossip or go straight to management? Can you see other perspectives? Do you focus on solutions or blame? Are you emotionally mature? Focus on empathy, private conversation, and problem-solving - not gossip, avoidance, or drama.
The STAR Method Framework
Structure your difficult coworker story to emphasize emotional intelligence and professionalism:
- Situation: Set the context (15% of your answer) - what made them difficult, without character attacks
- Task: Explain the impact (10% of your answer) - how it affected work, not just your feelings
- Action: Detail your approach (55% of your answer) - private conversation, empathy, specific behavioral focus
- Result: Share the resolution (20% of your answer) - improved working relationship or professional boundary
Example Answers by Type of Difficulty
Communication Style Conflict
Situation: "I was working on a cross-functional project with a colleague from the engineering team who would frequently dismiss design suggestions in team meetings with comments like 'that won't work' without explanation, which was making it hard to collaborate effectively."
Task: "I needed to address this communication pattern because it was slowing down the project and creating tension between the design and engineering teams."
Action: "Instead of complaining to my manager or gossiping with teammates, I asked him for a private coffee chat. I started by assuming positive intent - maybe he was under stress or didn't realize how his communication was landing. I used 'I' statements: 'When suggestions are dismissed without explanation, I feel like the design perspective isn't valued, and I don't learn what the technical constraints actually are.' I asked if there was something about the design process that was frustrating for him. It turned out he felt the design team didn't understand technical limitations and he was frustrated by having to repeatedly explain the same constraints. We agreed on a new approach: I'd do a basic technical feasibility check with him before presenting ideas in meetings, and he'd explain the 'why' behind technical limitations so we could collaborate on alternatives."
Result: "Our working relationship improved dramatically. By addressing it directly and privately, we turned a personality clash into a process improvement. The project finished on time, and we actually became effective collaborators. He later told me he appreciated that I came to him directly rather than making it a bigger issue. I learned that 'difficult' coworkers often have legitimate concerns that aren't being addressed, and a direct, empathetic conversation can resolve most conflicts."
Unreliable Team Member
Situation: "A colleague on my team was consistently missing deadlines for her portion of our shared deliverables, which meant I often had to scramble at the last minute to cover for her or we'd miss our commitments to clients."
Task: "I needed to address this pattern without coming across as accusatory or micromanaging a peer, while ensuring our team's reliability."
Action: "I scheduled a one-on-one conversation, starting with curiosity rather than accusation. I said, 'I've noticed the last few deadlines have been tight, and I wanted to check in - is there something blocking you that I can help with?' She initially got defensive, but I stayed calm and focused on specific examples rather than generalizations. It turned out she was struggling with a personal issue and was embarrassed to ask for help. I shared a time when I'd been overwhelmed and needed support, which helped her open up. Together, we created a shared project tracker where we updated each other on progress mid-week, rather than discovering problems at the deadline. I also offered to take on one of her smaller tasks temporarily while she got back on track."
Result: "Her reliability improved significantly with the new check-in system and the knowledge that she could ask for help without judgment. We haven't missed a deadline since. More importantly, she later thanked me for approaching it with empathy rather than going straight to our manager. This experience taught me that 'difficult' behavior often has underlying causes, and approaching with curiosity and support is more effective than blame. When I became a team lead, I used this same approach with struggling team members."
Credit-Taking and Boundary Issues
Situation: "A more senior colleague would regularly present my ideas in meetings as his own and position himself as the primary contributor on projects where I'd done the bulk of the work."
Task: "I needed to address this professionally without seeming petty or creating awkwardness, while ensuring my contributions were visible for my own career development."
Action: "I first tried a gentle approach - when he presented one of my ideas in a meeting, I chimed in with, 'Thanks for building on the analysis I shared with you yesterday, here are a few more details...' to naturally establish ownership. When that didn't change the pattern, I requested a private conversation. I came with specific examples and used neutral language: 'I noticed when I shared the customer segmentation approach with you on Monday, it was presented in Wednesday's leadership meeting without mentioning my involvement. I'm working on being more visible for my career growth, and I'd appreciate if we could discuss how to ensure credit is shared appropriately.' I also proposed a solution: 'For future projects, could we present together, or if you're presenting solo, mention key contributors by name?'"
Result: "He was somewhat defensive at first but agreed to the approach. I also started documenting my contributions more visibly - sending recap emails, presenting my own work when possible, and ensuring my manager was aware of my projects. The dynamic improved, though not perfectly. I learned that sometimes you need to combine direct conversation with systemic changes to protect your own interests. I also learned the importance of making your work visible proactively rather than expecting others to give you credit. When the behavior didn't fully change, I eventually brought it up with my manager during a career development conversation, framing it as 'I need advice on ensuring my contributions are visible' rather than complaining about a colleague."
🚫 Red Flags to Avoid
- Badmouthing the coworker or making it personal ("they're lazy," "they're incompetent")
- Saying you went straight to their manager without trying to resolve it directly first
- Admitting you gossiped about them with other coworkers
- Suggesting you just avoided them or worked around them indefinitely
- Taking a superior or condescending tone about the person
- Choosing an example where you were actually the problem
- Not showing any attempt to understand their perspective
- Making vague complaints without specific behavioral examples
- Suggesting you've never worked with difficult people (unrealistic)
- Focusing on personality traits rather than specific behaviors or impacts
- Ending without resolution or learning
Framework for Handling Difficult Coworkers
Follow this approach when dealing with interpersonal conflict:
Step 1: Self-Reflection
- Check your role: Are you contributing to the dynamic?
- Identify the specific behavior: Not "they're difficult" but "they interrupt in meetings"
- Assess the impact: How is it affecting work outcomes, not just your feelings?
- Consider their perspective: What might be driving this behavior?
Step 2: Direct Conversation
- Private setting: Never address it publicly or in group settings
- Assume positive intent: Start with curiosity, not accusation
- Use 'I' statements: "When X happens, I feel Y" not "You always Z"
- Focus on behavior: Specific actions, not personality or character
- Listen actively: Genuinely try to understand their side
- Propose solutions: Come with ideas, not just complaints
Step 3: Escalation (If Needed)
- Document patterns: Keep factual records of specific incidents
- Try direct conversation first: Show you attempted resolution
- Frame constructively: "I need advice on..." not "I want to complain about..."
- Focus on work impact: Not personal grievances
Pro Tips for Maximum Impact
- Show emotional intelligence: The ability to understand and manage interpersonal dynamics
- Demonstrate maturity: You can handle conflict without drama or avoidance
- Focus on specific behaviors: Not vague personality complaints
- Show empathy: You considered their perspective and circumstances
- Emphasize direct communication: You didn't gossip or go around them
- Include positive resolution: Either improved relationship or professional boundary
- Show growth: What you learned about handling conflict
- Keep it professional: Not overly emotional or personal
- Balance assertiveness with respect: You stood up for yourself without being aggressive